Back on Schedule…

DH and I trucked through the inches of blowing snow this morning to go for our second lining check. My stomach couldn’t stop turning as I sat there waiting to be taken back to the ultrasound room… 10.2mm, triple-stripe.  Our goal was making sure I was under 12 so as soon as she said the number my body instantly relaxed in relief. My estrogen is at 101 and my LH was starting to rise but since Dr M didn’t see a dominate follicle and believes the Depot Lupron totally suppressed me she’s not concerned about ovulation.

So again, we wait. With the holiday I am pushed an extra day and go in again on Friday to confirm everything still looks good and I am good to start progesterone on Saturday. Although I fully trust in Dr M and she clearly knows what she is going, I can’t help but still be a little uneasy knowing my LH is rising and my body is on overdrive. I have a terrible fear that I will ovulate prior to Friday and everything will still be a bust.

I spent much of yesterday thinking, praying and reflecting. I need to have faith in Dr M and trust the process, she wouldn’t put my cycle at risk and I know that. So much of this process is simply blind trust – something I really struggle with. That being said, I know I need to change my mindset and focus on everything working out rather than blowing up. I just keep reminding myself over and over again to have faith in the process….

I don’t know if it’s the drugs, the added stress of the holidays and my job or simply my nervous energy building as the transfer gets closer but it’s been much harder to stay grounded and positive this cycle. Yes, I had a few low days during stimulation but overall I spent a lot of time keeping “me” in balance. This time my nerves are fried and every little thing goes straight to my heart. But I know the stress and worry doesn’t help so I am going to refocus and make the next 10 days all about keeping myself happy and as calm as possible.

Wish me luck!

 

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Not so fast!

FET prep has been underway and today I had my first ultrasound to check my lining after starting estrogen patches 5 days ago. Well my lining is already at 8.7mm and my estrogen is 51. As of right now my levels are too high and they’re concerned about it becoming too thick to transfer. Ughhhhh, I am crushed. I know a lot of people struggle with thin lining but of course I have the opposite problem….

I go in again on Monday to check my levels again and make the final call – I have a feeling it’s going to be a long weekend.

I don’t know what I will do if this transfer gets cancelled. Please please please just pray it slows down and I simply have an earlier transfer date.

I am so sick of being the 1%… this getting really damn old.