I checked in to the hospital yesterday at 6am and by 11am I was in post-op trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was now medically sterile. Dr M held my hand and rubbed my arm as I cried, the moment had come and I wasn’t really ready for it. She smiled as she promised to take care of me and reminded us that we have “absolutely beautiful” embryos. I knew no matter how terrified and heartbroken I felt laying in that hospital bed, this was a necessary step to achieving our dream and I had to trust in Dr M.

Afterwards through the drug induced haze she explained that both my tubes had scarred (adhered) to my ovaries and I had numerous new implants and adhesions since my surgery last year. Both of my tubes were removed along with any endo she could see. She noted that the tube wrapped around my left ovary was likely why that side responded so poorly to stims. Thankfully the depo lupron has been helping my lining and although my utuerus had some scarring from endo it was nothing that Dr M was concerned about.

She spoke with my husband more and was more confident we would be successful in our upcoming transfer in January. “You guys will have lots and lots of children.” Lots and lots may be ambitious but her confidence in our situation, for the first time, is a breath of fresh air.

So as I lay here in bed recovering I am reminded that I just have to have patience and understanding through this journey. I still need to fully accept the fact that my tubes are really gone but as we get closer to the finish line I am starting to truly believe I will be pregnant in January. And that idea keeps me going through this…