This morning at 6:45am DH gave me my first shot of Menopur. As I laid on the bed and watched him mix the powder and switch needles I couldn’t help but get emotional. I watched as DH’s eyes welled with tears seeing the streaks down my cheeks and I knew we both felt the same way.
This was not the idea we had when we discussed starting a family. This wasn’t fair. This shouldn’t be happening to us. We’re good people and want a child – how did it come this? When you’re growing up you don’t dream of falling in love, getting married and paying $30k for a sliver of a shot to have a kid.
He asked if I was ready and I nodded, covered my face with a stuffed bear he had given me that I treasure dearly, and breathed deep as he pushed the fluid into my abdomen. I continued to softly cry as he laid next to me in silence. I wasn’t crying because of the pain, I was crying because somehow in that moment everything was finally real.
You would think it was real the day the clinic cashed our check and the medications I chased down arrived at my door but no. It didn’t seem real during priming and my suppression check was so quick that I didn’t even have to process my nurse Shanna saying “everything looks great, we’re good to go!” Perhaps I was in a bit of denial.
I have accepted that IVF is our fate but it’s real now. There’s no turning back…