You may have been a little confused with the name change but I went through a little transformation these past few weeks and needed something new. When I found out that my tubes were likely scarred shut, I went to a hopeless place. Devastation was an understatement and I had a rough few days. I would keep it together in front of my husband and friends but every day I would go to the downstairs bathroom at work and bawl my eyes out. Once I saw ST (my Mayan massage therapist, herbalist, hypnotherapist) a few days later, she could see how crushed my spirit was.
During our session, through tears I caught my breath and said what had been manifesting in my heart for days, “The chance of a miracle is gone. I will never be ones of those women where after countless assisted cycles just stopped trying/finally conceived and then find out that they miraculously got pregnant naturally a year later; that will never happen to me.”
“Honey, I think you need to redefine how you look at a miracle pregnancy. You having the possibility of still conceiving your own child, ignore the means, with a case of endometriosis as bad as yours – that’s a miracle.”
She was right and it may seem dramatic but that conversation changed my mindset forever. I knew in that that moment there was a reason I was going through this, there was a reason that God had chosen this path for me. I don’t know how but I have this overwhelming urge to find a way to help others the way she has helped me.
Infertility is unpredictable, unfair, heartbreaking, exhausting, frustrating, terrifying and so much more. That being said infertility has also made me love my husband more than I even knew was possible, reminded me that life is a gift, heightened my appreciation for service and kindness, and made me reassess what I really want and need in my future.
Infertility may be one of the worst experiences I may ever go through but the fact that there’s a possibility thanks to science that I will still be able to carry my own child – well that’s a damn miracle and I am thankful for it.