Just come stand by me, talk with me, heck even just share air with me and POOF – your uterus shall become occupied. Seriously. Even my acupuncturist made a joke that I have some sort of magic touch.
Today was bittersweet – a friend told me she was pregnant… after her 12th (and last) IUI just before she was set to start IVF… and while I am sincerely elated for her, it didn’t stop the tears from welling in my eyes as I read her email.
My tears this time were not from jealousy or anger, rather fear of loneliness and abandonment. (My therapist would be SO proud I just analyzed my feelings like that ps) She was the first person I trusted with my story and she has been a lifeline along the way. We go to support groups together, we meet up before our fertility yoga class, we go for walks and compare notes – she’s been the old master sharing her wisdom with the young pup. And while the line isn’t cut, it is definitely frayed and I once again feel utterly alone in this process.
She made a point to say that we should stay in touch but we both knew… our relationship will never be the same. I joked that she had graduated and am like the loser 8th year senior everyone says they will keep in touch with but forget about once they have new friends. My two best friends getting knocked up has been hard enough but losing someone who knows what you’re going through, man that digs deep.
(By the way, I couldn’t have been more thankful that she emailed me rather than telling me in person or on the phone. She knew no matter how miraculous the news may be, it still stings. )