I am a music person, always have and always will be. There is something about connecting with the music or lyrics of a song and realizing that a random stranger was somehow able to capture your exact emotions in just a few syllables or riffs.
I had a very rocky childhood and my escape was often music. I remember sitting down at the piano, playing through a few music theater numbers and singing until someone else in the house told me to shut up. When my sister would be flying off the handle or my dad would be at bottom of one of his swings I would watch The Sound of Music and curl up dreaming I was singing next to Julie Andrews on the Austrian hillside. I am pretty sure if you would have called me Liesl I would have died.
Back before Glee was cool, I was my own version of Rachel Berry. Yes, I was that over-controlling, demanding, gold star achieving choir star. (I wasn’t as mean or annoying though, I have to clarify that!) Sophomore year I was selected to be in our jazz ensemble, a highly competitive and exclusive group of 12 singers who traveled all over competing in (and WINNING!) a cappella and jazz competitions. I loved it and those three years are some of the BEST memories I have from growing up.
Senior year and college selection time came and my dad offered me one of the only pieces of “adult advice” he has ever given me, “you’re never going to be on Broadway, don’t make music your career.” I didn’t move to NYC and instead pursued a degree in Accounting. Every single day I wonder about life had I packed up my bags and drove across country to purse my lifetime dream instead. I don’t regret the decision I made, after all I wouldn’t have met my darling husband, I simply wonder about what I once gave up.
Flash forward 10 years and I just a middle class infertile white girl who has a secret board on Pinterest of outfits and shoes to buy once I am famous. Because you know, that’s really likely. About as likely as me getting pregnant any time soon.
Right now I can’t help but think how much music has helped me along the way. Every now and then a song will move me and really connect with where I am on this journey. Some times they’re deep and moving (Angel by Sarah McLachlan) and other times are totally unrelated and fluffy and the song simply comforted me for some reason or another (Katy Perry’s entire record history, she may be a pop princess but I love that girl.)
I pay a therapist a whole lot of money every week to help me work through things but some days it’s just a little Ingrid Michaelson and a cup of tea on the patio that does the trick! Some days… note the some. I wish I could just invest in a few iTunes cards and feel whole again, but unfortunately I think my problems are bigger than Coldplay.